Heartbreak (the unconventional kind)

A Students Journey Through Heartbreak

To all the students that lost their love,

The bottom line is being rejected sucks, sure when you didn't get that one true love of yours it probably stung @BenidictCumberbatch, but when a college rejects you, well it’s personal. You spent 25 hours 5 minutes and 3 seconds on that application, poured your heart out, spit some Alexander Hamilton worthy sentences, and they still didn't care. Mmmmm suddenly, being single forever doesn't seem that bad. I remember when I got my email, they masked the sentence “sorry you're just not good enough” with a series of big fancy words, by that I mean “it was a very competitive year, and we regret to inform you that you've been rejected”. Ouch, by far this was the worst rejection I had experienced in my life, other than the time when my dog chose my sister over me to cuddle with.

The numbness came first, that feeling of well nothing. I had gotten over the sad or heartbroken feelings now I just felt empty. Like a pivotal aspect of my self identity was ripped away. Now if you were like me and got your rejection letter at night, you probably just cozied up into bed and stared at the wall, while asking philosophical questions to yourself, for example, are pancakes called pancakes because they're made in a pan? Another option was to watch stupid videos on youtube to fill the void of emptiness inside you. But no. I was expected to go out that night with some girlfriends, yay let's act happy when really on the inside I feel like a sad shriveled up daisy being deprived of water. I tried to participate in conversations but I couldn't because Donald Trump's voice was relaying “sad, so sad” in my head, again and again. My only relief of this agony was sleep, wow #depressedAF #whereisthelove?

That morning I woke up feeling like a worthless piece of scrap metal, self-pity had set in, and scrolling through my facebook feed did not help.

Ps: if you are that annoying self-absorbed person who posted their acceptance letter on any sort of social media platform, stop reading this, leave now, you made my day exponentially worse, congratulations. (same goes for changing your facebook status 1 minute after you get the news)

The definition of self-pity: excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one's own troubles. Well, good job google, you nailed it. I'm a self-absorbed person, oops. On top of getting the worst news of my life, I just heard that Amal and George are having twins, how can two people be so perfect? God, Jesus, Mary, are you even up there? Is this my punishment for chugging that bottle of Tequila that one night I don't even remember? If so, this is a cruel and unfair penalization.

That day I spent in bed, watching heart-wrenchingly sad movies, “ My Sister's Keeper, The Fault In Our Stars, Dear John “ I remember actually physically googling, “movies about cancer,

where people die”. That's right, when I’m sad I take this shit to extremes. A total of 1 1⁄2 pints of Ben and Jerry's was consumed that day, a record for me if you must know. The much-overused saying “when one door closes another opens” was not working for me at this point. As far as I could see all my doors had been sealed shut by cement, but then something amazing happened; I watched an interview of Shia Labeouf and decided that I didn't want my life to be as crappy as his.

So basically it went like this, I had a very long hot shower (sorry environment) drank a protein shake, with extra matcha powder, and decided to get myself together. I tapped into my inner Lena Dunham feminist / inner goddess (yes, that was a 50 Shades Of Grey Reference) I wasn't about to let a small group of desk slaves ruin my perception of my own self-worth.

So, I felt medicated with tylenol and early grey tea, and started looking for different opportunities, seminars, volunteer opportunities and courses.
Then something weird happened, I spent another 2 5 hours 5 minutes and 3 seconds on another application, and while writing had an epiphany.

Admissions offices, have no idea who I am, they don't know that when I laugh I also snort uncontrollably, and that I can cook a killer stir fry, while simultaneously eating an unnatural amount of ice cream.

So, the next time you get rejected (because rejection is inevitable), just know it wasn't you; your independent, smart, and beautiful, and if they didn't accept you it's their loss. Students, I get it, we are constantly going through breakups, loving something so much and having it reject you is the worst, but let's be honest, you are so much better than this. Be a bad ass bitch, nasty woman, trailblazer, and shove it in their faced, “you rejected me” but in the infamous words of Chris Brown “Look At Me Now” I’m a better and more motivated than EVER. 

Misa YamaokaComment