My Relationship With Lingerie

 
 

Now age 12, I remember buying my first ever bra from Victoria's Secret. I had concave boobs coupled with this delusion that if I bought this black on sale bra, I would suddenly be a grown up. I still have that bra, and though I never wear it, it has a special place in my drawer.

My journey through the lacy universe of Victoria's Secret did not stop there.

Now age 15, I was that girl who spent $60 on the bombshell bra (3 pounds foam, 1 pound fabric fyi). My school uniform used to consist of black leggings with a PINK hoodie plus Uggs. Watching the annual Victoria's Secret show with my friends, critiquing the different wings, and practicing our walks was something I looked forward too. Its crazy to think that at the ripe age of 12, I was already being conditioned to understand what the “perfect body” looked like. 

At age 16, my need to see models walk down a runway in scraps of fabric has dwindled.

Maybe that's because, Instagram has made it abundantly clear that my body would not qualify for the VS show. I had to confront the fact that lingerie brands had effectively altered my mindset to view specific body types as superior to others. 

Now 17, I consider being in lingerie my most vulnerable state because that is when I am most critical on myself. I remember waking up in the morning fearful of what my stomach would look like, would I be bloated, too muscular, or curvy. It was a toxic cycle. Examining every inch of myself in mirrors, pointing out flaws, it was honestly exhausting. During my lowest moments, I would make myself throw up after a big meal or punish myself by doing workout videos at home. It was toxic because I was so aware of what I was doing, and how terrible it was for my body, yet still did it.

Now, whatever age you are - I have decided that it's time we get behind lingerie brands that diversify their models. I love skinny girls, but I love curvy, short, girls equally. When brands like Victoria's Secret start promoting body inclusivity, and showcasing a diverse group of women, call me. In the meantime, I’ll be buying my lingerie from Evelyn Bobbie & Lively. 

 

 
VoiceMisa Yamaoka