Got Rejected From A Dream University? Read This
To all the students that lost their love,
The bottom line is being rejected sucks. Sure, when you didn't get that one true love of yours it probably stung (@benedictcumberbatch? Anyone else?) but when a college rejects you, well - it’s personal. You spent days on that application, poured your heart out, spit out some Alexander Hamilton worthy sentences. Then, the e-mail - a sugar coated punch to the gut: “it was a very competitive year, and we regret to inform you that you have not been selected."
I remember when it happened to me. I read those words. But all I could understand was that I wasn't enough. [Like that time my dog cuddled with my sister instead of me, only worse - which is saying something.]
Now if you were like me, and got your rejection letter at night, you probably just cozied up into bed and stared at the wall, asking philosophical questions. You know. Deep stuff. Like... "Are pancakes called pancakes because they're made in a pan?" Another option would be to watch stupid videos on youtube to fill the void of emptiness inside you. But no. I was expected to go out that night with some girlfriends... Yay (!!!) ... Let's act happy when really on the inside I feel like a sad shrivelled up daisy, deprived of water. I tried to participate in conversations but I couldn't because Donald Trump's voice was repeating“SAD, so sad” in my head, again and again. My only relief of this agony was sleep, wow #depressedAF #whereisthelove?
The numbness came first, a feeling of well... nothing. By the time I had gotten over the sad and heartbroken feelings, I just felt empty - like there was a space in my chest labeled 'pride' where my self identity used to reside.
That morning I woke up feeling like a worthless piece of scrap metal, self-pity had set in, and scrolling through my facebook feed did not help.
(PS: if you are that person who posted their acceptance letter on any sort of social media platform, stop reading this, leave now, I'm happy for you except for not really, you made my day exponentially worse. So. Congratulations.)
The definition of self-pity: excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one's own troubles. Well, good job Google, you nailed it. I'm a self-absorbed person.
I spent that day in bed, watching heart-wrenchingly sad movies, My Sister's Keeper, The Fault In Our Stars, Dear, John, I remember actually googling, “movies about cancer where people die”. That's right, when I’m sad I take this shit to extremes. 1.5 pints of Ben and Jerry's was consumed that day - a record for me. I googled "what to do when you fail." Keeping in mind that“when one door closes another opens” was not working for me at this point. As far as I could see all my doors had been sealed shut by cement.
But then. Something happened.